It is optimal to end therapy with a closing session where we review together your therapeutic gains. This can be very helpful to you as you synthesize and integrate your growth and change. You will feel much more secure and able to describe your therapy and change to yourself, partner possibly or a future therapist. Clients often return months or years later as various changes come along in life. It is optimal to have ended well in the past. Please be advised if however clients do not attend the last scheduled appointment and have a pattern of missed appointments your therapist will consider therapy ended and any possible professional responsibility.
I am not a therapist who does Skype or Phone sessions. Some other therapists do and may therefore be preferred by you.
Important: Please note that for reasons including my professional boundaries, my personal private time and your protected confidentiality, your counselling will be confined to the therapy hour when we meet in person and not conducted through email or phone.
Sadly not all relationships are able to be maintained. Sometimes one or both partners come to therapy to decide if they can remain together. Some relationships have been based on such extreme deceptions, hostility, abuse or inauthenticity the partners decide the healthiest alternative is to separate and end the marriage. Sometimes therapy focuses on helping one or both partners grieve the loss of the relationship and move through the ending. Learning to positively co parent after a separation or divorce is sometimes the next focus.
Couples are often confused and struggling with understanding what constitutes an emotional affair. Please see the Links section for resource material.
THIS NEEDS TO BE UPDATED, IT REFERS TO THE LINKS PAGE
The answer sometimes is yes. Sometimes it is true the relationship can even be much better and closer, more emotionally fulfilling than before. Other times the affair was the desperate attempt out or escape from a very abusive, empty or spiritually dead relationship.
There is no one size fits all, although 6-8 sessions is usually a minimum number to consider. Many couples continue over 6 months and in time reduce sessions from bi-weekly to monthly. However our problems and challenges did not arise and form over night and our relationship recovery or improvement takes an investment of time and effort. Unfortunately many couples would like to come and have things change immediately. Improving communication is very important towards restoring or deepening loving connection. Communication skill training is a large part of the therapy. Often 6-8 sessions will provide significant positive change if the couple has sought counselling early enough. Couples leave troubles unresolved for a very long time for many reasons including fear, hope that things will change over time, not wanting to hurt the other partner and reluctance to ask for assistance. It is sad that many couples have dreamed, waited and worked very hard to unite, only to hurt each other deeply once united. Regretfully many people have not had good role models in their families of origin. Sometimes childhoods have been shaped by terrible neglect and abuse. Childhood wounds and insecurities can be very hard on relationships. Clients learn in therapy about attachment wounds and attachment styles. Couples learn how to relate, grow in intimacy and connection.
A large percentage of my practice is couples work. My practice has been greatly influenced but not limited by Dr. Terrence (Terry) Real, Dr. Harville Hendrix, Drs John and Julie Gottman, Dr. John Welwood, Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr Gary Chapman. I am as well strongly influenced by Erich Fromm, Carl Jung, Thomas Moore and many therapists who integrate Eastern and Western theory or psychotherapy and spirituality.
Sometimes both partners are willing participants in couples therapy, sometimes not. Often the biggest reason for reluctance is fear of being blamed for the failure of the relationship. Others fear the “stigma” of needing therapy and would rather try and work things out for themselves.
Because our anxiety can be lessened by having some idea of what to expect, very general understanding of couple’s work is explained below. Please bare in mind, however, that every couple is different and that your couples therapy will be especially tailored to you and the unique concerns you bring.